1. Full Name: Dave’s idiot friend (Dave is a friend of mine)
2. What color pants are you wearing right now? None. Wait, that’s not true for once. (Old habits die hard.) Jeans.
3. What are you listening to right now? The voices in my head.
4. What are the last 4 digits of your phone number? home? 2019, in no particular order
5. What was the last thing you ate? A box of Altoids. (The strip club diet)
6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Still caucasian
7. How is the weather right now? There is no “weather” in Phoenix
8. Last person you talked to on the phone? Some lady who wanted $2.95 per minute.
9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? The oppositeness
10. Do you like the person who sent you this? Like, or, like, “LIKE,” like in, like, high school? I, like, think so.
12. Favorite drink? Today? Nyquil
13. Favorite alcoholic drink? Coors Light at the strip club (a client), because it’s always free for some reason.
14. Favorite sports? College football, 4 wheeling, NFL football, golf, Arena football, tennis, football in the driveway. Oh, and, like, did I mention I like football?
15. Hair color? Fave? Red. Mine? Brown with not one grey one, %$#^%$#^%$!!! (Or else!)
16. Eye color? Mine? Mostly bloodshot white, with some bluish round things that have big black dots in the middle
17. Do you wear contacts? Yes (finally!)
18. Siblings and their ages? Yes, 39, 43 and 41
19. Favorite month? Currently February 1989.
20. Favorite food? Hot wings (home made)
21. Last movie you watched? Some sort of instructional program on the Spice network.
22. Favorite day of the year? Thursday
23. Best job ever? Any job OTHER than EVERY job before the one I have now
24. Are (were) you too shy to ask someone out? NO, because I thrive(d) on rejection.
25. Best childhood memory? Lost in Space robot, Christmas 1968, 8:00 a.m.
25a. Worst childhood memory? Broken Lost in Space robot, Christmas 1968, 8:02 a.m.
26. Summer or winter? Ha. I live in the southwest. WINTER!!!
27. Hugs or kisses? Yes. Please. I have a dollar.
28. Relationships or one night stands? Coldwater says my answer is and always has been relationships.
29. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate.
30. Do you want your friends to write back? Yes! In obscure fictional dialects if necessary.
31. Who is most likely to respond? A process server.
32. Who is least likely to respond? Anyone with a clear memory of me and any of my more (in)famous Dave’s idiot friend escapades.
33. Living arrangements? House. Dog. Lizards. Fish. Kids. Coldwater [EDIT – NOT ANY MORE].
34. What books are you reading? Do comic books count?
35. What’s on your mouse pad? 773CI. Oh wait, “DELL.”
36. Favorite board game? Trivial Pursuit (pretty much sums up everything in my life)
37. What are you doing tonight? Sleeping. Visiting a client. Turning the radio to 11.
38. Favorite smells? New or freshly laundered money. The [ex-]wife says my answer is not and never has been perfume that reminds me of old girlfriends or employees of my client’s strip club.
39. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? My dog can.
40. Buttered, plain, or salted popcorn? Cheesy popcorn
41. Best wedding you ever went to? M/M Camaro’s! OPEN BAR! (See this, too)
43. Favorite flower? Audrey II (Little shop, little shop of horrors…)
44. How many keys on your key ring? 6
45. Can you juggle? Yes. Look at my checkbook.
46. Favorite day of the week? Tomorrow.
47. Red or white wine? What color is Night Train?
48. What did you do for your last birthday? Got older. Went to Hooters for hot wings with the family. Or was that Father’s Day?! Visited my client (without the family).
49. Do you carry a donor card? Donate what, exactly? I think my license has some donor stuff to fill out on the back, but I don’t know if I filled it out, or if I just thought about filling it out, or if I filled it out online, or if I tried to be a donor and they said, “no, thank you.”
50. Lifetime goals? To win, place or show.
51. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? This is a family survey, so instead of the real truth, I will say that I usually spend the first couple of minutes trying to figure out where my dreams ended and reality began, because sometimes it’s just not that clear.