Ralph Wiggumisms

Ralph: “Daddy, I’m scared. Too scared to even wet my pants.”
Chief Wiggum: “Just relax and it’ll come, son.”

And, when the doctor said I didn’t have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life

I found a moonrock in my nose!

That’s where I saw the Leprechaun. He tells me to burn things!

Eww, Daddy, this tastes like Gramma!

When I grow up I wanna be a Principal or a Caterpillar… I love you Principal Skinner

TESTING GUY: Here’s your scientifically selected career.RALPH: Salmon Gutter???


RALPH: Ms. Hoover, the movie’s overLISA: Where’s Ms. Hoover?GIRL: Hey, her car is gone!


RALPH: Daddy, these rubber pants are hotCHIEF WIGGUM: You wear ’em till you learn son


Dear Miss Hoover,you have Lyme disease. We miss you. Kevin is biting me. Come back soon. Here’s a drawing of a spirokeet.Love Ralph


Mrs. Krabapple and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me

My knob tastes funny

RALPH: At least you guys are my friends… awwww
CHIEF WIGGUM: Son, I know just how you feel. You’ve got a great little girl and the world’s your oyster
RALPH: No dad, she made a fool out of me
CHIEF WIGGUM: Hey! Come to think of it she did. Well, she didn’t reckon with the awesome power of the Chief of Police… now… where did I put my badge? Hey! That duck’s got it!… awww c’mom give it back

Oooh… I bent my wookie

Miss Hoover, I glued my head to my shoulders

When I grow up I’m going to Bovine Univerisity

Me fail english? That’s unpossible

My face is on fire

PRINCIPAL SKINNER: And now with a flute up his nose, Ralph Wiggum
RALPH: *toot*
CHIEF WIGGUM: That’s some nice flutin’ boy

The doctor said I wouldn’t have so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger out of there

Wheeee… ow I bit my tongue

RALPH: Miss Hoover?
MISS HOOVER: Yes Ralph what is it?
RALPH: My worm went in my mouth and I then ate it, can I have another one?
MISS HOOVER: No Ralph there aren’t anymore. Just try to sleep while the other children are learning
RALPH: Oh boy Sleep! That’s where I’m a Viking!


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