Messenger Puppet

Frat boys = genetically drunken and stupid?

17. Drink any amount of tequila. Be grateful if you live to tell about it.

18. Go to college, and decide that your maturity and alcohol tolerance exceed all known limits. Buy a 5^th of Two Fingers tequila and hit on it during a frat party. Mix it with something to kill the taste of death. Nice people will pour you onto the couch and leave a bucket within projectile distance.

19. Be a kid named Tim who got out of high school a couple of years after you did, and who you knew from Boy Scouts. Come to a frat party and live at the keg. When you are crawling on all fours and being herded towards the door, remember, everyone is laughing at you, not with you.

20. Let some other high school kid named Matt who has a twin and whose sister had a turbo Supra come get drunk. Get voted the guy who has to call the parents (who you know) and drag the kid off the lawn where he is riding on the Budweiser stupor train and poor him into Dad’s car. Explain why it’s a good thing that you were there to keep him from a DUI, even though you overlooked keeping him from the “UI” part, jackass.

21. Be a guy named JimDoug (aka “Pickles”). Break the fraternity record for stupidity by doing 15 beer bongs in one night. Survive by only holding a couple of them down.

22. Be a guy named Mike Lebendude. Got to CMU on a frat road trip. Drink Jack Daniels and headbutt everyone you see. You can wish all you want that you were some high school kid who was passed out on your lawn, but there is no escape from the cinder block vice that will compress your head the morning after. Actually, that sounds like an improvement over the way your head will feel.

23. Be smart enough to know, when you are on that road trip that:

a, headbutting Mike is unwise, and

b,the suggestion that you switch to JD from the keg beer is meant to sedate you, because you hit the PLOS stage an hour ago, dillweed.

24. Drive to the UM/MSU game the next day in Ann Arbor, and back to CMU, all with a massive pounding hangover. 4 hours in a car. 4 hours of 100,000 people screaming in your ears. That’ll be fun.

25. Run screaming and naked into the snow on a dare.

26. Let your future roommate use your room to get laid by 3 different girls in the same night, while you go put a buzz on. The answer to the age old question is YOU get to sleep in the wet spot.

27. Sleep with more girls than you can count or presumably remember. Do not have sex with them because of too much or too little beer for one or both of you – Just crash in (or on) the same bed, sofa, car, floor or tree. Do NOT repeat the second sentence of this paragraph to any friends who are gullible enough to believe the 1^st sentence standing alone.

28. Celebrate the invention of Bud Light and the fact that it is merely yellow river water by playing basketball on the roof with 8barrel and some girl named Cheryl. She is Piller’s girlfriend. Or maybe Padlock’s. Who can tell. The roof is 3 stories off the ground, and most of it is sloped. If the experience doesn’t kill you, wait 20 year and then post it on the Internet for kicks.