SDTNTD: The Swamp Years Climb up a storm drain leading from a swamp. The fact that the pipe diameter keeps decreasing while the amount of sediment and water filling it is increasing is nothing to concern yourself with. And, there probably won’t be rats. Anyway, your friends probably have planned for popping the manhole cover […]Read more "Flesh for Fantasy"
How long to sing this song? 40 simply fricken sucks. Be amazed that you made it through the other stupid drunken adventures and lived this long. Go to a strip club and buy something long and slender to “celebrate” (or just to feel like a man and not a dad/atm/butler). Of course, you are only […]Read more "The Big 4-0"
Stupid Drunken Things Not To Do Golf, somebody else’s girlfriend, your girlfriends. What could possibly go wrong? If your friendships survive these… (well, they won’t, so don’t worry about it.) 1. Go to 8Barrel’s house to hang out. 8barrel will crash around midnight. Continue drinking with his GF/Fiancé Easy E. Do not, under any circumstances […]Read more "Girlfriend is Better"
Let me t-t-tell you bout some friends I know They’re kinda crazy but you’ll dig the show They can party ’till the break of dawn at Delta Chi you can’t go wrong Phi Sigma Kappa Frat boys = genetically drunken and stupid? 17. Drink any amount of tequila. Be grateful if you live to tell […]Read more "My advice to you is to start drinking heavily."
So, it’s halfway through your sophomore year (or what would be your sophomore year if you had survived your freshman year): Road trip On one ill fated trek to Ann Arbor, a girl named Robin will introduce you to her roomie, Tammy, who is exactly like Angelina Jolie. (In the sense that they are both […]Read more "Like a Virgin"
More adventures of the Stupid, brought to you with a little help from Don Ho, Jeff Spicoli and Tony Montoya. 9. Park your car in the west entrance of a nature preserve near your house. If your pal 8 Barrel is there, that’s cool. Do this at night. Point your car at the road, while […]Read more "Lahaina Vice"
Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, special orders don’t upset us – unless you place them 57. Always get a double Whopper with Cheese, onion rings and a vanilla shake. This will leave you with aromatic burps very soon, and high-quality farts to spice up your morning tomorrow, especially during a hangover, when those sorts […]Read more "Hold the pickles: The Burger King episodes"
My kid has a friend who is LDS, and is mercilessly recruiting my child. (These freaks will tell me it’s a cult.) I’m thinking Asatru might be a better choice – historical connection, no special underwear, no planet of your own to rule as a (small g) god. Plus, I read up on some Baptist […]Read more "Asatru – better than LDS?"
Stupid Drunken Things Not To Do Bum Wine and cheap liquor own you… 53. [Not drunken, but similarly stupid] Drive behind the old insane asylum and the University power plant on your CB350 with 8Barrel riding bitch. Even though it’s dark out, don’t use your headlight, because this dirt road comes out where the cops […]Read more "Bikers and Bushwood"
You should be shot if you try this one Find some Southern Host (generic equivalent of Sothern Comfort). Have friends like Podbillion and his friend Merloid invent SoHoCo (a snort of SoHo chased with Coca Cola). Hook up with Phid at 8 Barrel’s house after a day at the big lake or something like that. […]Read more "Wild Eyed Southern Boys"