Freaks and enslaved thinkers

I woke up this morning, got myself a gun… wait, that’s tonight. Anyway, the TV was blasting out theocratic spew from these freaks. This D James Kennedy weirdo was railing against the “pernicious lie of evolution.” (He is a pretty angry dude – not all bluster like Rod Parsley or fake emoting Jimmy Swaggart or a fat, pompous fuckwad like Robertson and Falwell – he is the quiet angry nerd that brings the shotgun to school.) Anyway, he wanted my cash for a Creationism Science Institute – “or CSI.” CSI? Invoke pretend scientists to legitimize pretend science – Brilliant!

This goof is a Presbyterian (how I was raised). My apologies on behalf of Presbyterians everywhere – we’re not all kooks and buzzkills. He is also dead wrong. Evolution (small e) is a fact of life. Evolution (big E) exactly coincides with the Genesis version, in most respects. I wrote a paper in college that goes through this point by point. The order of appearance is exactly the same. Genesis does not specifically mention dinosaurs, but that doesn’t prove anything, does it? Genesis also does not mention paramecia or lice. (Growing up, I hung out with some folks that denied that dinosaurs existed – no mentions in the bible and not enough time).

Time is the real sticking point. According to my sister Buzzkill, who graduated Summa Cum Laude from the same school of dogma as the CSI wannabe dude, the creation of the world occurred over a 142 hour period (6 days x 24 hours) about 6000 years ago. Basically, you backdate based on the people and timeframes specifically mentioned in the bible to extrapolate the alpha point of existence Get past the time issue (c’mon – earth days did not exist before day 2 or three) and the omission of specific classes of critters, and it all lines up. Creationists can’t stand this thought. It is a pisser that their sworn enemies are not so far apart.

More importantly (apparently), and a bigger sticking point is this “infallibility” and “inspired word of god” premise. If bible says “day,” then that is all it could be. God knew what we would consider a a day in 2004, just like he planned for the Gregorian calender when explaining to the prophets who wrote the bible thousands of years before it was invented. Just like he guides everyone who updates or translates the bible, so that everyone has exactly the right understanding. People are fallible worthless pieces of shit EXCEPT when ghostwriting the bible. God would have said “4.5 billion years” to get from day 2 to day 6 if that is what it took.

On my planet, we call BS. The bible was written for simple people as a code for living. Dirt farmers may not understand absolute numbers, like 4.5 billion (try writing that in roman numerals) but they understood “days” and understood relative positions (seed –> plant –> fruit). They might not understand trichinosis, but they understood “cook yer pork.” Find me a church that can place a bible in a historical context and that can accept evolution as a process and I will go. But, Kennedy will still call me a non-believer. He can KISS MY ASS like every other televangelist huckster and fearmonger.

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