Who fricking cares anymore?

Sithmaster 9000
cue the “ooo OOO ooo” music

Star Wars 3 promises to “bring teh suk.” Tedious, droning, monotonous scifi pap, thy new name is “Revenge of the Sith” as of 7/24/04.On a scale of 1-10, the original is an 11. Icon status. Impossible to improve upon. Saw it with 8barrel at the Beacon theater. The best part is that is was a blockbuster without pre-positioning itself to be. I saw it because it achieved event like status at school, not because the marketing department ordained it as a *don’t miss* flick.

Empire – 6 of 10. This is supposedly the best one, but I found it stupid. (“Dude. I’m all like your Dad. And shit…Give us a hug. you complete me”) This is where the new characters and critters became gratuitous. Maybe part of this contempt comes from working for the BK Lounge, which relentlessly merchandised SW crap. (“A new glass every week.”) I only saw this one once. I WOULD give it another chance.

Jedi 1/2 sucked, so 5 stars of 10, and not just because Tammy (an ex) joined me, 8 barrel and Robin to see it. AWKWARD.  The whole Ewok element was gay and the plot was mostly a rehash of the first one. Blow up Death Star II (electric boogaloo). AGAIN. Wow. Oh, and that girl I was hoping Luke would shag is his sister? WTF? (Also: ewww.)

Then George Lucas REALLY let me down. When the first one came out in 1977, there were supposed to be a total of 9- three trilogies (middle, sequel and prequel) separated by multiple generations, with a new movie every three years. Uh, no. Not hardly.

Then we get Phantom and Clones. Dull plodding crapfests that exist just to give redeemed “bad guy” Darth Vader a shiny happy backstory. I hope that fucker (Vader) is evil, mean and wicked in Sith. But, I will likely wait until about 2007 to find out once it comes to HBO, because I am not going to drop a dime on pedantic, merchandise infomercial/special effects-driven cartoon plots.

Mirropr Universe
Trek uber alles

totally kicks the ass of

5 thoughts on “Who fricking cares anymore?

  1. An cranky sock is not to be trifled with. I will probably break down, like I did with Potter #3 (after skipping the 1st 2), but it better be more like the original.

  2. To determine if a movie will suck, you have to consider the marketing factor.. This is a mathimatical equasion, easy to caculate.
    D = the date you see the first advertising on television or print
    N = number of times you see the ad in a given day
    P = the date of the premeir
    A good movie = (P-D)^N
    The value should never be above 81,000 (two ads a day for over a 90 day period)
    > 81,000 movie will suck.. Guarenteed

  3. As someone who got F—‘s and, on my best day, an F++ in my senior math class, your formula may be far too complex. (Or else my teacher hated me and wanted to keep me from going to a Big 10 school. Or I spent WAAY too much time staring at Anno and imagining her naked instead of paying attention to class.)
    Either way, thanks for the insight, Harry!

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