Blow, Snow Dominate New Stump Speech

Dick Cheney swears by the pocket organ 9000 (now with Bluetooth(R)!)

Courtesy of Elder Bear

Saying that a second Bush administration would subject the nation to “four more years of blow and snow,” Mr. Kerry unleashed his most savage attack on the president to date, accusing Mr. Bush of spending the federal surplus on a $40,000-a-day cocaine habit.

“Where did the surplus go? I’ll tell you!” thundered Mr. Kerry, who then mimed inhaling a line of cocaine to the delight of the partisan crowd. Mr. Kerry’s decision to accuse Mr. Bush of “snorting foo-foo dust” and “tooting racehorse charlie” seemed to be inspired by the new unauthorized book about the Bush family penned by celebrity biographer Kitty Kelley, who coincidentally was named to the Axis of Evil today.

But just minutes after Mr. Kerry accused Mr. Bush of “hitching up the reindeers,” Vice President Dick Cheney returned fire, telling an audience in West Virginia that if Mr. Kerry is elected, the Earth will spin off its axis and collide with the sun. After being told of Mr. Cheney’s latest dire prediction, Mr. Kerry chuckled, “I guess George Bush isn’t the only one in the White House who’s horning the Peruvian lady!”

In other campaign news, President Bush told reporters today that he “doubted” that the  Texas National Guard memos discovered by CBS last week could be authentic because “I know exactly where the real ones are hidden.”

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Author: Gonzo di Dottore

Gonzo di Dottore [Ed.: He's not a real doctor. Or Italian.] is a noted author, poet, photographer and bon vivant. Or was that savant? It's hard to tell sometimes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high-powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die

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