Stroke me, stroke me

Passengers complain about pat-down searches at airports

If you’re a hottie according to the TSA, which uses secret criteria like big boobs, they’re gonna feel you up in the name of “security.”

“She put that thing in between my legs like you wouldn’t believe,” Higley said. “It was very offensive.”  Higley, who was not wearing any metal, said the wand beeped as it passed over the small of her back.  “She grabbed my rear end in an offensive way,” she said. “I spun around and said, `Don’t touch me again.’ I was really starting to get offended.” Just the same, Higley said, the screener “reached over and cupped my right breast. At this point, I’m starting to shake, I’m starting to cry. I said, `If you touch me again, I’m going to hit you.'”

If you try to be too comfortable jammed into your puny sardine seat or bitch because they’re picking on innocent people (i.e., you and your non-terrorist traveling party), they’re gonna do it too.

Passengers who wear loose clothing are more apt to receive a pat down, as are travelers who set off metal detector alarms or exhibit suspicious behavior, such as protesting when asked to take off their shoes.

Happy Trails. That’s the Constitution in the rear-view mirror.

6 thoughts on “Stroke me, stroke me

  1. I am sick beyond words ( well, almost) of hearing about what a terribly offensive act a pat down search is, how demeaning it is to actually have your body touched, in a completely nonsexual manner in public, how embarrasing it is to be subjected ( subjugated?) to a condition in which your actual person might be violated. GROW UP you whiners. Although it may be commonplace for frustrated lesbians to pose as airport screeners just so that they can cop a quick feel occasionally at your local air transit station, I am not aware of it being a frequent problem near me. I am constantly amazed by our societal ability to blow this and other nonissues ( if, that is, you are older than 16) way out of proportion

  2. Well, I think as a matter of contract, you consent to a certain amount of indignity when you buy a ticket. But, the policy is to backhand the fun parts and that is not what the TSA people were (are) doing. Based on a past that may or may not be mine or that of people I know, and certain unscripted events at North Campus dorms and Knollwood street parties that may or may not have occurred, I do not think I am allowed to criticize people who are upset by being groped.

    Plus, it’s strangers in a grimy airport – It’s more like Oz than Penthouse forum. It is not like these people were in a limousine after a night of drinking scotch and and verbing fondue or something, where at least 50% of the involved parties have a reasonable understanding/expectation of consent to grope.

  3. Front of the hand, back of the hand… what’s the diff? As long as it’s not the tongue or genitalia or acommpanied with panting or grunting. One would think that what should surely be a MINOR indignity can be overlooked in the greater interest of possibly preventing a major security threat when one is boarding an airliner.

  4. I learned in grabass college to use the back of the hand in order to avoid arrest – backhand maintains the illusion of an incidental contact. I learned from shagging practice in grabass college that the hands can actually be used for a number of gropiary tasks with an equivalent or near equivalent utility to the implements you listed. I also learned from intensive stripper therapy that hands are the new hotness x eleventy billion if you get my meaning. So, your first 2 premises are bullshit.
    As for the third, pretend you have a thirteen year old son who has probably figured out by now the multipurpose nature of his junk. Imagine some smelly guy named Dennis with big dumbo ears is your TSA groper du jour. Or worse, imagine that some future protective custody inmate with an affinity for chipmunks is the “screener.” Do you want your kid exposed to that? What if it moves? What if you have a 7 year old daughter? Do you want her felt up by Bruna the wonderdyke? (I am presupposing that these theoretical persons are not wired up with thermite.)
    Lastly, Benjamin Franklin said:

    They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security.

    We can trust the wisdom of Ben Franklin because he drank beer. I would think control over your own person is an essential liberty.

  5. Using the back of the in order to promulgate ” the illusion” of contact is the bullshit, not my premises.
    Your use of thoeretical minors as illustrations to support your position is the next obfuscation. My arguement did not address the issue. thugh it must and can be done easily enough.
    Finally, old Ben expressly mentions”essential libert(ies)”. I don’t think that it applies here.

  6. As your foil in this strangely testy-sounding debate, I advise you to to drink some scotch and smoke a big stinky cigar to take the edge off.
    Backhand in grabass terms is for the illlusion if “incidentalness” The whole point is getting away with it. I would agree that if one were going up to some poor coed when was nobody around, in order to to cop a feel, a backhand/forehand distinction is meaningless. Likewise, if a TSA groper is intent on felleing your junk, BH/FH isn’t much different.
    As for kids, beyond the unnecessary lesson in assault is OK, would you want your kids hauled off to another room for this crap, with you expressl;y uninvited? Would you want to be deprived of your parental rights because Phid junior got the unlucky diceroll and now gets his first cavity search? How are you going to explain to PJr that you sold him and his dignity out for a false sense of peace on a plane ride? What are you going to say to a theoretical Mrs. Phid when the TSA groper goes overboard? “It’s not assault, honey, because the government is keeping us safe by determining if they‘re real”?
    If you need to tell yourself that this bullshit is effective, doesn’t infringe on your rights, and is just a molehill in the grand scheme of things, more power to you. You’re wrong x 3, but sometimes illusions are necessary to in order to avoid paralyzing fear. I personally prefer the illusion if personal invulnerabiity.

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