And you thought it was just a camera
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I have conquered your world! Obey my superior technology! , November 22, 2004
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This is The Great and Powerful Oz’s pick for Christmas 2004!
Listen up my chattel! I am Lieutenant Dorkus Malorkus! And Oz commands that you worship its features!
“Click! Click!” Beware! For as the shutter snaps cruelly, so do the Hounds of Hades nip at my heels!
This
so-called ‘camera’ is in fact a ‘soul catcher’, which refuses to back
down! It must not be taken lightly! Nor must any attempt be made, to
tinker with its inner complexities, lest thou void the warranty!
Alas!
My seventeen layers of aluminum foil hat, are no match for its
omniscient recticle of doom, which can peer right into the depths of my
very being!
For as I take pictures of flowers and puppies,
there on its screen is instead displayed, the focal point of my black
heart! And it is so very dark! Darker than a night of a thousand
murders! Darker than gargoyles plunging daggers into the eyes of the
innocent! Darker than the endless screams of those in Satan’s clutches!
No wait, I simply forgot to take the lens cap off.
Nevermind.
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