Dear MP Forum:  I never thought the stories here could ever be true.  Then one day, I walked into my secretary’s office without knocking and…

Man, when I started representing strip clubs, I didn’t think my life could get weirder.

To be fair, it’s Mr. Boxter’s secretary, and to be truthful, she is not a movie star, but just has a look at my naked ass out here in the desert website on a group of naked ladies website. But for $40 for 6 mos., you can get all the nekkid vogueing you want.

No, I am not snooping. This lady has made no secret of it (although the partners don’t know). She has discovered through viewer mail some fetishes that I never suspected existed. Elbows? Armpits? WTF?!!!

Yesterday, she bragged that her p0rn life paid better than her job last month. Her cohort (who at 40 could still be a dancer) told me yesterday that she would never tell me the URL or name of the site and I would never find it. Ha-ha! A challenge! (although as the sorta IT guy in the firm, I have unlimited computer access, and as an evil genius, I deduced, after careful analysis, that the pornstar probably bookmarked her site).

Today she came in bragging that some perv sent her a fox jacket.

From the website

Pornstar bio:Age: 46-55 [almost true]
Birthday: 12/02 [true]
Marital Status: Single [true]

Favorite Color: Hot, Hot Pink [Not at the office]

Height: 5’4″ [less than true]

Measurements: 38-24-36 [I will assume true enough, without verification]

Eye Color: Green [yup]

Hair: Blonde [True, thanks to Garnier]

Muff: Shaved [oh shit, I should seen that one coming aaaaaaaiiiiiigggghhhhh!!!!]

Job: Being as sexy and hot as I can for my [pr0n site] Members! [actually this is partially true, because she does respond to viewer mail from the office]

Dress Size/Jean Size: 7/8 [NFC]

Panty Size: 6 Panties for sale [OMFG!]

Favorite Drink: Champagne, of course [Bullshit. Not even on the stripper planet is this true, except for poseurs]

Favorite Food: Sexy Men & Creme Brulee[Bullshit]

Perfume: Ralph Lauren Romance [Dunno, but in the past she has worn stripper perfume]

Favorite Music: Rock, Blues, Salsa [whatever]

Sports, Hobbies: snorkeling, hiking, sex, and More SEX!!!! [snorkeling? is that a euphemism for something]

Sexual Orientation: 100% Hot, Sexy Women [Is this what she likes? Conflicts with the man for dinner above]

Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius [Whatever]

Sexual Position: Gee, Do I have to Choose? [F***. Shoulda seen this one coming too. At least the visual is not there for some reason like the other question]

She also sells underoos for $20 and slingshots for $35. For $10 she will actually wear underoos if you send them to her.I have visited the site, but only the free (non-nekkid) parts for purposes of this post. As some goof said to Nick Cage in 8mm, there are some things you just can’t un-see.