Scotland Yard Reveals Diana Still dead

UK police examine Diana crash site – Feb 16, 2005

“We expect our investigations to show that the Princess is in fact still dead, unfortunately,” said Sir Nigel St. John Smythe, exchequer to Clarence House, “and that that bitch Camilla, Princess Consort and royal floozy, did not in fact drug the chauffeur with poisoned French fries soaked in evil clown piss in order to induce him to hallucinate her royal tart visage on the wall into which he impaled the car on some misguided mission of aesthetic mercy.”

Or something like that.

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