Heaven (AP) – God announced today his 3 part plan to smite false prophet, idolator and political toady Jerry “jellyroll” Falwell.
Step one is pneumonia, so that Falwell gets a taste of a typical AIDS death. “”AIDS doesn’t just strike *fags* you ignorant hick,” God bellowed.
Parts two and three may involve a Mr. Creosote scenario (“have a mint, Jerry, you bloody glutton”) and a persistent vegetative state (“with a non-functional brain, he might stop distorting my books”). “Or I may just have him tossed in prison for a little street justice. I really haven’t decided” said God, while fidgeting with a number of lightning bolts.