Messenger Puppet

So there’s this whole American Karaoke Idol *scandal* where maybe Paula rode some goof contestant like it was Urban Cowboy night at the Betty Ford clinic. CBS, the last bastion of incisive, objective investigative journalism jumped immediately into the fray. *We will cut right to the heart of the matter. Did Paula fuck a bunch of male contestants?*

So, they “interviewed” Clay “Women? Ewww!” Aiken. Today, they showed the same f***ing interview, as if it were a new bit of news.

Gee. Clay was unaware of man woman sex occurring while on Idol. Clay cannot imagine man woman sex occurring period. My shock and disbelief spans time and space.

Remedial Journalism Lesson for today: Use relevant, knowledgeable sources. What does Barney Fife know about securities fraud? What does Laura Bush know about horse wanking. Apparently a lot, so that is a bad example. Anyway, stick to asking Clay about roman gladiator movies. Ask Palpatine Maroulis or his 2003 AI contemporary about the women.

I spoke with Dr. No Happy Finish’s office. It’s been two weeks since the most humiliating barrage of tests imaginable. At least this side of prisoner cavity searches or having an audience for any below the belt procedure.

Anyway, Dr. NHF said the test results were normal and thinks there was just a minor unexplained tremor in The Force. Basking in the comfort and security of this diagnosis, I said, *that’s bullshit, because of this, that and the other thing.* She said *STFU, you punkass beotch. Save yer whining for the follow up appointment in August.

* 2009.*

Good thing she’s hot. In the meantime, I will guilt the wifey into some *self help.* [Ed: as if that would ever work: rolleyes:] Or wait patiently for my client to reopen la barra de mujeres.

The 30 foot anaconda story has an unfortunate aftermath. The Vet wants $500. The zoo’s bill is yet to come.

What a f***ing pain in the ass.

*rimshot*