Darth Vader

OK, George, you’re forgiven…

I don’t need to see more Vaderbot.
This is the story I was looking for
I can go about my business of seeing it repeatedly and geeking out over merchandise
Move along

*** SPOILER ALERT***

Dear Emperor George-atine:

If it’s Sunday, it must be time to pay to see Star Wars just to pimp your enormous, wrinkly, lightning bolt-powered ego.

In a word: loved it.

OK, that’s two, but in your universe, it counts as one, dammit.  Here are my bitch points –

******************SPOILERS******************

1 – Dooku gets the Highlander treatment? Not much of a stand for your Jedi principles there Ani boy.

2 – WTF is with all the amputations, by the way.

3 – Real scenery would have been nice

4 – Continuity was a little heavy handed. I dunno if young Captain Antilles really needed to show up on the same ship used in #1/IV. Does no one trade in their old ships in space? Does no one move up?

Young Tarkin? At least he is on another ship.

Leia music and Luke music? *rolleyes*

Thankfully, Jimmy Smits said *I’m keeeping the robots* and ordered 3PO’s memory wiped, which skirted one big ass plot hole.

5 – The death star? WTF? It takes 20 years to complete the first one, since we only see part of the skeleton in Revenge of the Sith. How come bigger, better Death Star II (electric boogaloo) gets built so fast between IV and VI?

*scratches head*

6 – Anakin gives in to the emperor pretty quick. BTW, a c-section would have solved all of this *my wife will die on childbirth so I need to turn to the dark side to kick my super powers up a notch* business. Wouldn’t it?Are there no OB/GYN’s in space?

“Sorry people, Darth Vader is going to kick your ass for the next 26 years because Padme’s HMO REALLY fucked up with the ‘not medically necessary'” bullshit.

7 – Who put Anakin out after he burst into flames? What happened to his arm and legs, which were gone by the time the Emperor showed up?

8 – Do these fools have air conditioned robes or something? You’re on a lava planet – take off the sweater.

9 – The Anakin-bot building is rushed. Building the 6 million dollar man takes some planning – take your time showing it. Also, why not put out the fire and get him out of the cinders before major Steve Austin treatment. If he needs a breathing apparatus in the suit, why not on while on the table.

9a. – Who puts their new robot boy into full dress badass uniform complete with cloak, while he is bolted to the table. Also, bolted to the table? Say what?

10- Star Wars geeks are creepy. People were getting all wiggly in their seat when R2 and Yada first showed up.

Really, that’s about it.

I LOVED the Vader learning the wife is dead scene. Almost made up for minimal screen time for the Vaderbot.

I rank this # 2 of 6

  1. Empire
  2. Sith
  3. Star Wars
  4. Jedi
  5. Clones
  6. Menace

With that said, oh dark lord of the Cineplex, if you stop fucking around with the original 3, I will personally kiss your ass. Do not screw with this one, either, although add deleted scenes if they have Vader the blackhearted in them.

OTOH, whatever you can do to Menace and Clones *TO IMPROVE THEM* is OK. Including starting over from scratch.

XXOO

Darth Sock

P.S. Purp liked it, too.

6 Comments

  • Purple Car May 25, 2005 at 5:57 pm

    I think Anakin switched over so quickly to Sidious because he wanted to first learn the death-avoidance move, second, to kill him and take over. So, I think Anakin was trying to trick Sidious there. This is evidenced by the fact that Anakin begs Padme to rule the galaxy with him, and he does the same with Luke later on.
    All your points are good ones. Real scenery would have been good, especially. Our friend said the movie seemed like it was shot in a CGI convention center. Another friend remarked that one of the most touching scenes in the movie was between CGI Yoda and Chewy. “I will miss you, too, Chewbacca.” Aw! *sniff*
    BTW, I met Chewy in Universal studios once. He was over 7 foot tall and MUST have been sweaty. There was a young woman leading him to the Star Wars ride. When a bunch of ten year olds ran up to them offering their autograph books, the young woman said witha southern drawl, “He can’t write, he’s from another planet!” And off they went.
    Anyway, it was a good movie, much better than Ep.’s I and II. (I still can’t believe the thing about the younglings… yikes!) We’ll probably see it in the theater one more time before the run is over. Which will be, like, October, probably.

    Reply
  • OG Fred May 27, 2005 at 12:35 pm

    I finally got to see it last night. I was a little worried that I’d find it anticlimactic after hearing all the good reivews. Luckily, it lived up to the hype for the most part. If only Lucas could write and direct human interaction that didn’t seem so oviously written and directed.
    I really liked the blurring of the lines between good and bad. The black and white distinction in IV, V, and VI fit the times and made for great story telling. The way III made what is good and what is evil relative to one’s point of view is a valid reflection of today’s world.
    Loved the not-so-subtle jabs at the shrub too.
    All in all, I agree that GL redeemed himself with this one.

    Reply
  • Dr. Gonzo May 27, 2005 at 5:23 pm

    Man, I am actually tempted to see it again in the theater. And, no, not because I am wasted and stumble in there because I can, and because I need to yell at the green asshole on the screen. I am trying to think of flicks I saw more than once on their original run.
    Tron (second viewing seemed better than going to class)
    Cat People (b/c Nastassia Kinski. Saw it once or twice in Mayberry and then in AA with some massively hungover dudes)
    Star Wars? I know I first saw it at the Beacon weeks or months after it was first released. No specific recollection.
    Porky’s (possibly)
    Heavy Metal (saw it in theaters so many times in the 80s I don’t even know)

    Reply
  • Dr. Gonzo May 27, 2005 at 5:28 pm

    Oh, and Sharky’s Machine (never got tired of seeing if Rachel Ward’s legs went all the way up). I am sure there were more flicks in the ’80s that I would see repeatedly for teh nude babes

    Reply
  • Dr. Gonzo May 27, 2005 at 5:52 pm

    And the Big Chill (on a date)

    Reply
  • Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull March 3, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    […] took it and walked out.  The next best part is the corollary hysteria of the government people.  It’s a comment like Star Wars III had on our present group of pinheads in Washington. Tags: Indiana […]

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