Car and Driver Turns 50 Without Me
Speed, beer, hotties in [James Bond] a nice little nothing they’re almost wearing.[/James Bond]
well, sort of…
As usual, I got my Car and Driver magazine a week or 2 before it hit the newsstands. The July 50th anniversary issue of C/D covered the highlights of the past 50 about a quarter (3 mos.) at a time. Fine, because that’s about 200 little windows into the past. However, C/D left out a lot of the real highlights:
Flat Out in Ohio. 9 cars, including a Thunderbird with a 400 cubic inch V-8, struggling to double the Über-stupid 55 mph limit.
Flat Out on Stadium Drive – a couple of white dopes on punk, a red ‘73 Dodge Dart, a maroon ‘76 Coupe de Ville, a green ‘76 Skyhawk, a green ‘77 Ranchero, a maroon ‘78 Continental, a blue on blue ‘78 LTD and a couple of parking lots early on a Sunday morning (or 3).
Flat Out on Stadium Drive Part 2 – an ‘83 Cougar XR-7.
Dr. Gonzo: “Oh yeah, man, my mom will buy this for me. Lemme take it for a spin.
8: Time to make the donuts [in the high school parking lot down the street].
Flat Out on Westnedge.
- 8 (shotgun): Oh shit.
Dr. Gonzo: Oh look McDonalds. Mmmmm, cheeseburger.
8: Oh shit!
Dr. Gonzo: Huh? OH SHIT!!!
SCREEEEEECH!!!
Flat-Out on Washtenaw
- 8 (shotgun): Look out for that…
SCREEEEEECH!!!
…Chevette.
Flat Out on Waite.
- 8. Fiat. Fishtails. Snowbank.
8: “Somebody must have got crazy with a shopping cart at the store.”
Flat Out on I-94. Every other goddamned weekend for a while. “Is he turning around?” “Quick, get off the highway!”
The famous hands-on DUI test. Bedard chasing St. Pauli Girl with candy brandy when he didn’t get drunk fast enough. Puking down the side of the car in the Holland Tunnel.
- The infamous hands-on DUI lifestyle. Explored to death here.
- The infamous flat-out/DUI on Sheffield. Where the real estate agent who sold you your house DUIs his Corvette around a tree at about 90 mph about 100 yards from your house. Interrupting you in mid-grope in the dark at the one and only party in your basement. Bummer. Oh, and too bad about the dead guy, too.
The boss wagon. They remembered the first one. They forgot the original 8 barrel, or its fully armed counterpart with the spotlights, radar detector, active terrorist repellent systems, and forced air induction. (“Forced Air Induction” being a piece of wood over the air filter, which sounded really cool inside the car, but just amplified the giant sucking sound of the car for onlookers.)
The Steering Wheel pictorial. Featuring some hot naked lady behind a bunch of overpriced wheels.
- I have no naked hottie counterpart. Except topless/nude sunbathers behind a VW camper in a driveway behind a house. And some girls changing into their bikinis in their convertible in Daytona Beach.
Davis & O’Rourke as biker badasses. On Harleys and a Suzuki 1100. Scary.
- Dr. Gonzo, 8 and Phid as biker badasses. On a Honda 350 and Kawasaki and Suzuki 650s. Scary? Not so much.
They did remember the December 1980 issue – the best ever. Topless hottie on the cover in leather pants. Vector W2 inside.
Also the red Corvette issue with the hottie in pink short shorts. God, I miss the eye candy days. Le sigh. Le pant. Le drool.
