Car and Driver Turns 50 Without Me

Speed, beer, hotties in [James Bond] a nice little nothing they’re almost wearing.[/James Bond] well, sort of…

As usual, I got my Car and Driver magazine a week or 2 before it hit the newsstands. The July 50th anniversary issue of C/D covered the highlights of the past 50 about a quarter (3 mos.) at a time. Fine, because that’s about 200 little windows into the past. However, C/D left out a lot of the real highlights:

Flat-out in Ohio

What? No Fury?

Flat Out in Ohio. 9 cars, including a Thunderbird with a 400 cubic inch V-8, struggling to double the Über-stupid 55 mph limit.
Flat Out on Stadium Drive – a couple of white dopes on punk, a red ’73 Dodge Dart, a maroon ’76 Coupe de Ville, a green ‘76 Skyhawk, a green ’77 Ranchero, a maroon ’79 Continental, a blue on blue ‘79 LTD and a couple of parking lots early on a Sunday morning (or 3).

1983 Mercury Cougar

Like this except with smoking TRX tires

Flat Out on Stadium Drive Part 2 – an ’83 Cougar XR-7.

Dr. Gonzo: “Oh yeah, man, my mom will buy this for me. Lemme take it for a spin.
8
:   Time to make the donuts [in the high school parking lot down the street].

Flat Out on Westnedge.

(shotgun): Oh shit.
Dr. Gonzo: Oh look McDonalds. Mmmmm, cheeseburger.
8: Oh shit!
Dr. Gonzo: Huh? OH SHIT!!!

SCREEEEEECH!!!

Flat-Out on Washtenaw

8 (shotgun): Look out for that…

SCREEEEEECH!!!

Chevette.

Flat Out on Waite:  8. Fiat. Fishtails. Snowbank.

8: “Somebody must have got crazy with a shopping cart at the store.”

Flat Out on I-94. Every other goddamn weekend for a while. “Is he turning around?” “Quick, get off the highway!”

The boss wagon. They remembered the first one. They forgot the original 8 barrel, or its fully armed counterpart with the spotlights, radar detector, active terrorist repellent systems, and forced air induction. (“Forced Air Induction” being a piece of wood over the air filter, which sounded really cool inside the car, but just amplified the giant sucking sound of the car for onlookers.)

The famous hands-on DUI test. Bedard chasing St. Pauli Girl with candy brandy when he didn’t get drunk fast enough. Puking down the side of the car in the Holland Tunnel.

The infamous hands-on DUI lifestyle. Explored to death here.

The infamous flat-out/DUI on Sheffield (1977). Where the real estate agent who sold you your house DUIs his Corvette around a tree at about 90 mph about 100 yards from your house. Interrupting you in mid-grope in the dark at the one and only party in your basement. Bummer. Oh, and too bad about the dead guy, too.

boobies!

Boobies!

The Steering Wheel pictorial. Featuring some hot naked lady behind a bunch of overpriced wheels.

I have no naked hottie counterpart. Except topless/nude sunbathers behind a VW camper in a driveway behind a house. And some girls changing into their bikinis in their rabbit convertible in Daytona Beach (1989).

Davis & O’Rourke as biker badasses. On Harleys and a Suzuki 1100. Scary.

Dr. Gonzo, 8 and Phid as biker badasses. On a Honda 350 and Kawasaki and Suzuki 650s. Scary? Not so much.

mmmm... hotties

My life, as I hoped it would turn out

They did remember the December 1980 issue – the best ever. Topless hottie on the cover in leather pants. Vector W2 inside. Also the red Corvette issue with the hottie in pink short shorts. God, I miss the eye candy days. Le sigh. Le pant. Le drool.

  20 comments for “Car and Driver Turns 50 Without Me

  1. OG Fred
    June 7, 2005 at 5:22 pm

    Mine arrived yesterday and I only had a chance to briefly glance at it. Just seeing some of the illustrations took me right back. I think I’ve subscribed continuously since ’76 or ’77. Kind of wish I’d kept all of them instead of throwing them out in batches over the years.
    I don’t think you mentioned Flat Out on Tenth Streeet. What do you mean there’s a wheel cover missing. I thought all Rabbits smelled like burned clutch and brake pads. Or
    Flat Out North of Daytona. Old lady ahead of you going too slow? No problem. One of you can pass on the left against oncoming traffic. The other can pass simultaneoulsy on the shoulder. Too bad about the probable cardiac arrest.

  2. Dr. Gonzo
    June 7, 2005 at 6:44 pm

    10th Street. Sorry, senior moment here. I know 10th street and Van Buren is a great location for skanky crackwhores, but that is a different post entirely. Please refresh me.
    Ahh, sweet beach wheeling.
    They forgot Flat Out on Westnedge 2 – *The WHAT? Hey 8, that guy says your wheel is on fire.*
    And One Lap of Normal, Illinois, Ypsi, Windsor. I’m not sure if Cass corridor was a one lap, a Detroit Grand Prix or a Flat out. Maybe it was an Escape from Baja, only with crack wars in progress.
    My mom better still have my old ones, dammit.

  3. OG Fred
    June 7, 2005 at 10:11 pm

    Tenth Street (Oshtemo) – beer distributor with big parking lot, Rabbit test drive, car dealer who wants to know “what happened” to the car he stupidly allowed out without a chaperone.

  4. Dr. Gonzo
    June 8, 2005 at 11:29 am

    Gotcha. What is it about test drives….

  5. Spamalot
    May 24, 2007 at 7:36 pm

    Hmmm. What is it about test drives you say? Speed, adrenaline, admiration, danger, thrill and an occasional hottie. In other words attraction. But all of this submits in the face of a great looking car which makes your eyes tingle.

  6. Site Admin.
    May 25, 2007 at 12:05 pm

    greetings to my friend in Romania, where this comment originated.

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