Thanks, Dad. Now I am a felon.
Dad: When you need your water shut off, you just go to that valve in the front yard with a water key.
Idiot: Wow, Dad, This was really helpful for changing out this and that plumbing stuff that nobody wants to hear about.
Wifey: I bought a bunch of new faucets for that leaky one in the back yard. Fix it.
Idiot: Let me just turn that there valve again and —
Idiot: Uh oh
Idiot (this morning): Do I need to fix the valve in my yard or do you people do that?
Water Lady: WTF?!?!?!?! You touched our meter?
Idiot: No, the valve next to the meter.
Water Lady: That counts as our meter, dipshit.
Idiot: But, your muzak message even says I need to know where the main shutoff is to the house.
Water Lady: That ain’t it.
Sheriff Joe: Tampering with a water meter is a capital offense. Please place your hands on your desk. No sudden movements.
In our future episodes: Dad on traffic; Dad on beer; Dad on women; Dad on cars; Dad on probate; Dad on appellate practice