Nude teen trapped 3 days in train car full of fertilizer

DECATUR, Ala. – A nude, dehydrated teenager was rescued after apparently spending nearly three days in a railroad tanker car that had been used to store fertilizer, but he refused to tell authorities how he got trapped, police said.

Thank you sir, may I have another.

Woman’s oxygen tank explodes as she has cigarette

VANCOUVER – A female resident of a Vancouver seniors’ home died last week after her oxygen tank blew up when she was having a cigarette lit for her.

D-ooh!

Flaming squirrel falls from power line, starts fire

OSOYOOS, B.C. – Firefighters were called to a fruit packing operation in the Okanagan orchard city after a squirrel on a power transmission line caught fire, fell into the brush below and sparked the blaze.

Pardon me, Coke Zero just sort of sprayed all over my keyboard…