Jared and His BS Subway Diet Can Kiss My Ass

We all know the legend of Jared. Walrus-sized lardass who weighed a metric ton. Ate Subway turkey sammiches one day and dropped a million billion pounds. Bullshit. You lost weight because the turkey made you too sleepy to eat the other 6 meals you were used to.

Some chick ate at McD’s every day for a month and lost 30 lbs. (Of course, she capped her intake at 1400 calories/day, which is half a Big Mac, 2 individual fries and an opportunity to look at a strawberry shake on the other side of the counter – but only for 10 seconds).

See you at the bypass operation, lady.

Anyway, I am on a self-imposed reality-based diet. My diet consists of no more than a bite of junkfood, no more than a slice of homemade pizza, salads, burgers, turkey sausage, beer, chicken breast, vegetables, yes, I said beer, hot (lean) pockets, diet soda. Buffalo wings (which are now baked, and we use chicken breast instead of actual wings).

Basically anything that isn’t monumentally stupid to eat, like cheese hotdogs, liverwurst, deep-fried snickers bars, peanutbutter cookies, banana ice cream with macadamias from Cold Stone. (Well, maybe just a taste, but it HAS to stop there).

It’s not about the food, it’s about the calories. Breakfast and lunch total about 5-700. That is the equivalent of a Whopper with cheese, no mayo and some fries, except I am not nauseated shortly thereafter or hungry again 10 minutes after that. Dinner is variable cals, but I try to ballpark it for the day at 1500 or less.

Anyway, there are 32 lbs less of me since I started counting in mid May. The net loss may be greater. All I know is that my suits fit once again, and I am not done yet.

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