Words to Live By

All the joy of being a fan, without the mess…

THE DABBLER’S GUIDE TO COLLEGE FOOTBALL

 With the approach of the college football season (now only eight days away), we here at The Bemusement Park, as part of our court-ordered community service efforts, are happy to provide a helpful guide for the incoming fan who wants to be able to talk a good game without all the messy investments of fandom, such as staying up until 2 AM to catch the repeat of the Ball State-Central Michigan game, listening to those “ask the coach” radio shows (since those are always sheer death), or hanging out at message boards discussing the latest rumors about recruits who may be slightly inclined to your program. We at TBP want you to know that you can be a happy, functional college football fan without resorting to such measures. Heck, you can even become a pundit! Forthwith, let’s get into the least you need to know about college football so you don’t embarrass yourself too badly at the water cooler, sports bar, or broadcast booth.

 What is college football?
College football is the most perfect sport ever. It accents everything that is great about America: the accessibility of higher education, the prominence of sport and recreation, our glorious autumn weather, enumerated lists of ten to twenty-five items, regional bigotry, mob violence, and, of course, outrageous cheating.

 Is Steve Spurrier evil?
Yes.

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