Oops, I Crapped My… Driveway?

Crap Cars Richard Porter

Learn it. Know it. Live it.

All crap, all the time, featuring:

I will have you know that none of my cars made the POS hall of fame turdology. How they escaped notice, I cannot tell you. Must be the same way that Starfires, Opels (any), and Isuzus (any) slipped by. Judge the following automotive pukefests for yourself…

1971 VW 411

Crappiest Car ever

Not even VW knew how to make this crapfest work.  Neither did the poor sap who bought it for $175.

1988 Ford Festiva 1990 Suzuki Swift

The one on the right is the bigger POS. The one on the left (Festiva) was killed before its alleged POS-ness (per Molly) came to light

1980 Mercury Zephyr

88 hp doesn’t get you far fast.

Compared to a Ford Maverick – a 1980 Mercury Zephyr is the shit. Otherwise, it’s just a piece of it…

If it makes you feel any better, I have ridden in, slept in, known an idiot frat brother who drove, crashed into or been crashed by nos. 50, 49, 46, 28, 26, 23, 22, 21, 19, 18 (its evil, shittier cousin), 16, 15, 14, 12, 11, 8, 7, 6, 2, and of course 1.


*Really, the “LeCar” should be named “la voiture,” but who in a WalMart parking lot could hope to pronounce it?

Buford: La Vulture‘? WTF, Ethel? Who drives a dang buzzard?
Ethel: Shucks, I don’t know

15 Comments

  • Pod February 7, 2006 at 11:40 pm

    …There is no “Crap Motorcycles” book I can find. And no postings re that subject. Something is amiss…

    Reply
  • Happy Birthday to Me My Car March 24, 2008 at 3:03 pm

    […] am not that big into naming cars, but if I were, she might bear the name of my favorite hot fiery red-headed babe who is not married to 8, and is not Shirley Manson. After all, the color and indeed the model […]

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  • Best Damn Fairmont Ever March 22, 2010 at 6:30 pm

    […] a T-roof (which acted like a torsion bar, the car was so flexy without its roof on).  Both were shitboxes compared to mine, but compared to IIs, and dorky Fairmonts, they were friggin awesome.  God, were […]

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  • They Live November 23, 2010 at 11:33 am

    […] Oops, I Crapped My… Driveway? […]

    Reply
  • Smoke and Mirrors January 6, 2011 at 11:18 am

    […] funny thing about crap cars is that they just won’t die.  They’re everywhere you look. Tags: Drive By Shootings, […]

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  • Friday Hangover March 8, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    […] Chevrolet Chevette. Of all the cars that should be dead, this is one you will never see at the Barrett Jackson. This shitbox does not spawn an acid flashback, because, frankly, it’s was not that important in my life. My friends were not stupid enough to own one. My ex-inlaws had one for a while, but after I told them there was NFW their pregnant daughter or new grandbaby would get near that thing, they “upgraded” to a K-car derivative. I did need to document the harmonic convergence of seeing one on the Internet and one in real life on the same day. Now I need to go wash my eyes with bleach. […]

    Reply
  • Plymouth Voyager June 28, 2013 at 1:42 pm

    […] Yugo […]

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  • Kiss My Asphalt | Suddenly March 10, 2014 at 3:04 pm

    […] this Yugo. I am overwhelmed with the desire to drive to Ann Arbor with a guy named Ken. And then, sleep on […]

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  • Worst Car Ever | KISS MY ASPHALT March 13, 2014 at 7:49 pm

    […] damned them to the junkyard even before the warranty expired. How does it feel, Mr. Le Car, to be a worse piece of crap than a […]

    Reply
  • They Live | KISS MY ASPHALT™ May 21, 2014 at 11:54 am

    […] Crap Cars was a warning, not an epitaph.  You have to kill it with fire.  Or busted valvetrains. […]

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  • Friday Hangover July 11, 2014 at 10:49 pm

    […] Chevrolet Chevette. Of all the cars that should be dead, this is one you will never see at the Barrett Jackson. This shitbox does not spawn an acid flashback, because, frankly, it’s was not that important in my life. My friends were not stupid enough to own one. My ex-inlaws had one for a while, but after I told them there was NFW their pregnant daughter or new grandbaby would get near that thing, they “upgraded” to a K-car derivative. I did need to document the harmonic convergence of seeing one on the Internet and one in real life on the same day. Now I need to go wash my eyes with bleach. […]

    Reply
  • Ford Mustang II July 19, 2014 at 12:37 pm

    […] Nostalgia factor: -26/10 – THE WORST CAR EVER […]

    Reply
  • Happy Birthday to Me My Car July 21, 2014 at 12:25 pm

    […] am not that big into naming cars, but if I were, she might bear the name of my favorite hot fiery red-headed babe who is not married to 8, and is not Shirley Manson. After all, the color and indeed the model […]

    Reply
  • Party On, Wayne July 22, 2014 at 3:56 pm

    […] This is the 1978-80 Pacer.  I do have a sick attraction to them.  The proportions just seem spacy and right.  It doesn’t hurt that it looks like a grown up Porsche 928, especially the ’75-77 Pacers with the thin horizontal grille that could be just bumper gap.  I do like the later, stupid and out-of-place grill – for some reason, that colossally bad idea on paper actually worked.  For me.  It defies any explanation.  It didn’t work for anyone else – sales of the entire three years with the extra nose were less than any one year of the original front end. Another theory is that the reputation of the mechanicals (basically a bloated version of the Hornet/Gremlin/Concord) sucked ass. The engines were crap. The build quality was crap. The performance was crap. […]

    Reply
  • Renault 5 Turbo 2 – Kiss My Asphalt April 16, 2016 at 12:34 pm

    […] the DNA it shares with an all time crap car, this is a badass Group B rally car. It is not the worst car ever. Do not mess with it. Do not […]

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