It’s true . My kids are happy. I am happy. Really, really.
11/16 – Superior Court signs “Emancipation Proclamation” (Technically not “December,” but it’s like a predicate fact or some s***.)
12/9 – Ex-Governor Mofford admires my freshly taut ass. Says, “I’d buy THAT for a dollar.” Offers no actual dollar. I feel so cheap and used.
12/15 – Merlot says, “OK, maybe I WON’T f*** you up. This time.”
12/20–12/24 Wow! Busy. [Molly] Plus, similarly uneasy truce (as with merlot) reached between Sock and rum (mojitos)/vodka. Maybe it doesn’t always have to be a Coors Light after all. Wow, indeed.
12/21–12/31 Free time while ex-in-laws are in town. Another shade of wow. So this is “single.”
12/24 – Cardinals fail to lose a home game in my presence, despite the absence of my P.I.M.P. neighbor. This is the first time I have ever seen them win in person. Amazing. Quentin Harris is still the hardest working player in the NFL.
12/24 – If I called you, you know how high on life I was (still am). I steered myself to church, not because of any sense of duty or obligation, but because I wanted to, for once. God and I had a big fight about 15 or 20 years ago, and we ended like North and South Korea – still pissed at each other, but willing to stop shooting, just for today.
Anyway, along with sincere thanks for the big wake up, I threw mad shoutouts to all the amazing, compelling, captivating, resilient, inimitable and utterly cool people I know. Or to people who simply did not call me a felon over six pages of a document production. This was a tougher task than it might seem, because these particular church folks are not big on silence. So, the shout out had to go out over the din of some Christmas carols and candle lighting. I think I wound up leaving a voicemail – apparently 7:45 on Christmas Eve means an overloaded switchboard for Jesus. Consequently, my humble little message probably sounded like it was from someone who spent way too much time in Bagman’s basement, i.e., not too heavy on coherence as when it’s out loud. Sorry God, I tried.
12/27 – 12/29 OK, let’s just move past the bowl games.
12/30 – Dr. Happy Finish declares the momentary disturbance in the force over. I am now a member of the Jedi Council, or a Sith lord, or something once more. Thanks again, God. I think we’re making real progress on this Detente thing.
12/31 – Kiddies for a week.