If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

The Top 100 Things I’d Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

  • Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
  • I will not gloat over my enemies’ predicament before killing them.
  • When I’ve captured my adversary and he says, “Look, before you kill me, willyou at least tell me what this is all about?” I’ll say, “No.” and shoothim. No, on second thought I’ll shoot him then say “No.”
  • Iwill not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary.If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled “Danger:Do Not Push”. The big red button marked “Do Not Push” will insteadtrigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it.
  • Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labeled as such.
  • One of my advisers will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in myplan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
  • I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find thatsuch a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
  • I will never utter the sentence “But before I kill you, there’s just one thing I want to know.”
  • I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
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