Tom Cruise, auto heretic

Tom Cruise searches for Xenu or lube

don’t think for one second that you can come down here, flash a badge, and make me…

Famed placenta-eater, full time wack job and part time shitty actor Tom Cruise(r) defiles Mustangs everywhere by Scientologifying one in New York. Reportedly, Cruise specifically requested a “gay flaming macho orange Saleen” to represent his happiness over having to pimp yet another crap movie that nobody will like.

Tom Cruise rides through NYC to promote ‘Mission’.

Gee, Tom, why not a Beetle, or an “I’m not compensating for anything. Really” Viper. They’re more your speed. About 250,000 Mustang owners just barfed a little in their mouths seeing this. Asshead.

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  5 comments for “Tom Cruise, auto heretic

  1. OG Fred
    May 5, 2006 at 7:45 am

    You know, buying a car these days can be a risky business. If Chevy does come out withe the new Camaro, the resulting ad blitzes could seem like the war of the worlds. I’m sure that Ford was pleased to have a person considered by some to be a top gun in the entertainment industry appear in one of their vehicles. I think any company would be happy to have a few good men to show off their product to the the average American consumer who’s far and away more fickle than at any other time. Maybe when the time comes Suzuki could hire Tom to pose on the last Samurai to roll off the assembly line.

    Honest to God, I couldn’t help myself. Shecky strikes again.

  2. Dr. Gonzo
    May 5, 2006 at 11:21 am

    You can’t fool me with your tricky prose. i wasn’t born on the fourth of July, ya know.

    You slay me, shecky, you comic legend. Seriously. You know all the right moves.

    God it physically hurt to write that. .Even with my eyes wide shut.

    (Sorry. It’s taps for this thread. I really don’t want to see where you would go with the firm, days of thunder, Goldmember, Cocktail)

  3. September 14, 2010 at 5:32 am

    Tom Cruise is a great man and a great actor. i dont know why people hate on him because he has different way of thinking than other people. We aren’t all gonna believe in the same crap. So Tom keep up the good work and don’t worry about your haters

  4. Pingback: Days of Thunder

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