- Do not race Chargers with hemis
- Do not race WRXs with more hp than you
- It is OK to travel in high speed packs with these people, but if you’re red and they’re black, the cop is going to nail you.
- Do not race 3 packs of Mitsubishis with giant “I am a dork” wings* on their trunks. Of the three, 2 will kick your ass, and one will write about it on the internet.
- I did not get in any of the above races, although I could have
- CLK500 – Black. A hottie and her hot mom. They could not look away. We played “I am faster than you” for a while. Then they figured out I would win, so they left without participating in one of those “I never thought this would happen to me…” stories. So close…
- Ford Explorers suck ass. So do their drivers. Two of those fuckheads played asshunter *** with the ‘Stang this morning. And not the good kind.****
- Neighbors suck. Normally, I give the shithead on my right as much room as possible, after that asshole kicked his door open into my Corolla. Saturday, I came home to change for the gym. Because my neighbor on the left was there, I parked closer to the asshole neighbor’s spot on the right. “It will only be for a minute.”***** I come out and, surprise, they came home. and parked <12” off the side of my car. After much cursing and a seething blood rage that luckily involved no felonies, I discovered that there were no dings. WTF? And thank you to the sheetmetal gods for watching over me.
*Not to be confused with my tasteful and “functional “** spoiler.
**As an aid in trunk closing.
***how close can I come to your bumper without actually rearending you.
****how close can I come to your fine ass without being arrested or completely emptying my wallet.
*****famous last words.