Vogon poetry is not the worst in the universe

Lawyer poetry is. Worse than MDF or its evil proto-crap iteration. Far worse than anything ever generated in outer space.

I went to this CLE on public speaking on Friday. We talked about the musical rhythms and meter in great oratory. So of course we had to write a song. About the Phoenix Suns, or whatever we wanted. Also: a slogan!. Yay. Great speeches have a theme, that you can reduce to a slogan that people can remember. Like Stupid is the new witty

Anyway, I was really having a block – what music? I started toying with “Suddenly Seymour” from Little Shop of Horrors. But who is going to recognize that? Plus, how to shoehorn:

i fucking hate basketball
I fucking hate Phoenix
Die, NBA, Die
you fucking assholes.
I hate you

into that song. Then i was inspired – by my entire life’s approach to these sorts of BS projects. In other words, piss on the whole thing, so that nobody ever wants to do it again. Phid knows. 8 Knows. So here is what I came up with, shitty as it might be. The lecturer did not read it to the class.

(to the tune if Ice-T “Cop Killer” which is a kick ass song if you can get past the whole cop killing part)

I hate writing songs
would rather smoke some bongs
but that would be so wrong
cuz this would run too long

Song killer
better it than me
(I’m a) song killer
fuck music therapy
song killer
this shit will leave you grievin’ (tough shit)
song killer
this is how I get even

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