What is Wrong With This Picture?

“I Fucking Killed Them (hypothetically)” – Orenthal James Krueger
Los Angeles

– In a new TV interview and book, O.J. Simpson discusses how he would have committed the slayings of his ex-wife and her friend “if I did it.” The two-part television interview, titled “O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here’s How It Happened,” will air Nov. 27 and Nov. 29 on Fox, the TV network said Tuesday. “O.J. Simpson, in his own words, tells for the first time how he would have committed the murders if he were the one responsible for the crimes,” the network said in a statement. “In the two-part event, Simpson describes how he would have carried out the murders he has vehemently denied committing for over a decade.” “This is an interview that no one thought would ever happen. Its the definitive last chapter in the Trial of the Century,” Mike Darnell, executive vice president of alternative programming for Fox, said in a statement. The interview, conducted with book publisher Judith Regan, will air days before Simpson’s new book, “If I Did It,” goes on sale Nov. 30. The book “hypothetically describes how the murders would have been committed,” the network said.

Since he was acquitted, I have no problem with this. In theory, at least. I have no problem with him saying, “yeah, I fucking ripped her head off, then skull fucked her boyfriend who shoulda known better than to show up right then. I wish that fucking dog had come by sooner, so I could feast on its entrails while its owner’s carotid emptied into the storm drain. Raar!”

However, I do believe that karma has been a little, ahem, lax with Mr. Simpson.

How should karma repay this prick?

  1. accidentally experiences anything William Wallace did, orchestrated or better yet suffered in “Brave Heart.”
  2. accidentally experiences being eunuched over a parking space by some accidental crackhead who rented a Shelby Mustang from Hertz.
  3. accidentally impaled on a pike after being hit and thrown by the guy in b.
  4. accidentally falls in a tiger pit filled with pungi sticks smeared with dung (and/or neurotoxins)
  5. carnivorous humanoid underground dwellers – do the math
  6. ???

You tell me…

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