Cranky Old Man

Is it just me?

So, after the “Super” Peyote Manning Fest Bowl on Sunday, I watched Criminal Minds. Why? Lazy mostly, but I do 1/2 like the work of Mandy (“Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”) Patinkin. Anyone idolized by Barry Manilow deserves some pity after all.

A couple gets knifed. You hear screams, and see a crime scene with bloody bodies. How very CSI. Another day, another murder. The second one is another couple. Guy gets dead on site. More crime scene gore. Yawn.

Then, my TiVo screws up and stops recording at the scheduled time (the show ran over). Fast forward to the rebroadcast on Weds.

Chick gets chicknapped. She is all Victoria’s Secret-ed in her nighty and big ripe boobs and tied up in a barn. But for the impending murder death kill and the barn smell, I was right there.

Then, I lost it.

Turns out the murderer is on some sort of biblical rage spree, killing sinners. This nice lady made an afternoon delight mistake, and now she is Jezebel. Jezebel was a whore. Also, she was thrown out a window, and “her corpse is left in the street to be eaten by dogs.”

That doesn’t make good TV, compared to leaving out the whole boring defenestration angle. So, we get hot 1/2 naked chick tied up in a barn, three hungry, 1/2 mad, 1/2 rabid pit bull rottweilers jumping over a fence… and then screams.

Then irony. We break to commercial. It’s for Pedigree dog food. And not just buy the food. It’s “look at all these poor sad dogs in shelters (behind the same kind of fence as the dogs on the show)”.

More show happens, then (alive) lady cop walks into the barn. She steps in a pool of dead lady leftovers. She looks at bits of bones and body, and three still pissed off dogs with bloody muzzles and murderous rage in their eyes. Sit, ubu, sit.

I look at the bottom of a beer bottle, because it’s closer than the remote.

For me, this really turns a corner. This is broadcast, prime time TV, being shown at 7:00 (8 eastern). It’s on EARLIER than American Idol. Eaten alive by dogs? What The FUCK? The Shield has to be on cable after 10 because they might say “shit.” “Dirt” is in the same boat because that Friends girl’s best friend is a rabbit.

But eaten alive by dogs (followed by someone getting their throat slashed in front of their spouse, and someone else having to dig his own grave so the bad guy can bury him alive )? That’s no different than a Survivor food challenge.

Next, following Wheel of Fortune… Eaten alive by dogs.

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