Messenger Puppet

Tooth Of Time: It's not quite Penis Rock...

Aaah, glorious Philmont. DC 10s, midnight bus rides, long trains to nowhere.

On the way home from Santa Fe to Chicago, hang out in the bar car. Watch as your friends (Phid, Bagman and every other horny dork at the table) hit on a little blond girl nicknamed “Ducky”

(what’s really scary? Remembering her real name and address in Thousand Oaks California all these years later.)

Anyway, take the seat next to her and do not give it up for anything. Outwit, Outplay, Outlast.

PHid

Eventually Phid will go downstairs to poach drinks.

Those wussie 16 year olds will tire or grow bored. Weaklings. Finally, it’s just you and her. Amazingly, she is interested in you and it’s not even because she’s intoxicated.

Batter up.  Stuff happens.  Base hit.  You’re past 1st and rounding 2nd base (with no clue what 3rd base entails or how to get there).

Suddenly, Phid appears from the bar level. He just stands there until you notice him. He wants to “talk.” Phid is a little oblivious. and more than a little fucked up.

Thanks dude.

The opportunity to ride the rails is suddenly over. Surprisingly, you do not kill him right then and there.

To complete the disastrous end to this brief romance, write stupid, clumsy letters to this girl. As a bonus, you can brag to people (who surprisingly don’t give a fuck) that you have a girlfriend in Cali, since she has never told you to get lost. People with actual experience in these sorts of things know you don’t have a girlfriend in Cali, and her mom, who read your moronic ramblings, has sent the poor girl to a convent.

not the trophy I'd hoped for...