Messenger Puppet

Don’t Ask. Don’t Tell.

Again, it’s all about ass. Not that there is anything wrong with it:

• I spent Saturday on a boat with 7 gay cowboys, two lesbians and a straight chick. So that makes 8 people checking out my ass.
  • That is a lie. there were 4 gay rodeo dudes, a landscaper, a couple appraisers and a flight attendant.
    • No, I will not call a male flight attendant a “stewardess.”
  • Also, I was invited - brother of a friend owns the boat. NO TROLLING!!! not for invites, not for passengers or crew.
• I never once used the phrase “tap that ass” to anyone. Mostly out of “self preservation.”
• There are colloquial references to sex that I do not know. “Don’t ask, don’t tell” was never more prophetic.
• I did not take part in the 4 or 7 man “look at my bare ass” photos. Even with an unlimited supply of liquor, there is just not enough beer for some things.
• No “whoops, don’t mind me” occurred.
• Yes, I am sunburned. No, not on my ass.
• Sometimes “drive my Tahoe” and “pull my boat up the ramp” mean exactly that, and nothing more. Thankfully.
  • Doing this drunk is monumentally stupid, BTW.
• Yes, I left with the straight chick. Yes, “reaffirmation” was involved later.

In all seriousness, it was both completely alien and no big deal, all at once.