He Slimed Me

warm liquid goo phase

It’s 7:50 and i am on my way to work. Windows down, music up, riding the buzz of another crazy weekend. I am at the intersection by the ratty kwik-e mart when I feel and hear something on my ass.

No, the car’s ass.

I look and yes, there is a car behind me but he’s not doing anything one would normally expect after hitting me, like preparing to die.

I look to the side, and there is some old drunkard pulling himself off my car and stumbling back onto and down the sidewalk, muttering incomprehensibly. You hit my car, mofo.

I go to work to check for damage – no dents, but eww, what a grease mark. Sweet.

Fucker. I should be glad he wasn’t carrying his bottle at the time.

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