Lt. Steven Hauk: Sir, in my heart, I know I’m funny.

Bill Callahan: I know in my heart of hearts I’m doing an excellent job, a good job,

Pretend AD “Dr:” Tom Osborne (the day after the CU game): Coach, you don’t know whether you’re shot, fucked, powder-burned, or snakebit.

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Why must Callahan go? Logic: His inability to grasp it.

NU: We fired our AD because football is circling the drain, and everyone in the state is pissed off about it, since all they have are feed lots, corn, automatic chugging of GOP kool aid and NU football.

Callahan said Tuesday that he didn’t know how the dismissal of athletic director Steve Pederson would affect his job status. The fourth-year coach said he was saddened by Pederson’s firing, but he sidestepped questions about whether he felt responsible for it.

Bill Callahan 2007: “I feel responsible for the results of this program. I feel responsible for a lot of things, good and bad. Ultimately, it lies on my shoulders to provide the results you have to provide.”

Now-fired AD (2003): “I refuse to let the program gravitate into mediocrity. We won’t surrender the Big 12 to Oklahoma and Texas.”

Texas/OU (2004-06): We accept your unconditional surrender.

NU (2004-06): 5-6, 8-4, 9-5

Yeah, Bill. It’s not your fault at all.

P.S. I DO hope you stick around. The fall of Lincoln has been glorious to watch.