November 20, 2007
BY MITCH ALBOMFREE PRESS COLUMNIST
You don’t own Michigan football. It owns you. You don’t steer that magic carpet. The carpet lets you ride. When you step off that perch, when your adventure ends, someone else gets on, and you are back on earth, feet to the ground. The best you can hope for is a fond wave and a fond wave back.
At the end of his retirement news conference Monday — a dignified, eloquent affair — Lloyd Carr stepped away from the podium, stepped away from the job, stepped away from 13 seasons as head coach and 28 years on a maize-and-blue sideline, and many in the room rose up and applauded, even hard-bitten journalists. Carr, still trim at 62, grinned slightly, his jutting jaw tightly in place. Then, slightly embarrassed as the applause continued, he gave a salute. One fond wave as the carpet sailed away.
Dear Joe Paterno, Charlie Weis, Bill Callahan:
Please do not learn from this example. Please keep doing what you are doing. Your track record of recent success is proof enough that you have exactly what it takes to play championship football. Everyone loves you. Especially me.
Dear Jim Tressel:
Coaching football causes hair loss, public incontinence, impotence, and, uh, lack of sphincter control. In many ways then, it is just like prison. Don’t be like Clarrett. Get out of the profession while there is still time. I only say this out of sincere concern for your well being.
Your 1-6 bitches up north