It is… ALIVE

t1_osborne Osborne corpse reanimates self, declares himself Nebraska’s interim coach

Paterno miffed at blatant copycat move

LINCOLN, Neb. (AP) — “Dr.” Tom Osborne is back from the dead as Nebraska’s football coach — but just for now, since the supply of brains in Nebraska is severely limited. Osborne, already the interim athletic director, on Wednesday declared himself interim head coach until he hires a successor to Bill Callahan, an actual, unreanimated corpse.

When reached for comment, 395 year old Joe Paterno said “Goddamit! Now I have to fake coach for another 10 years, just to protect my lead. Where are some brains. I need brains!!! And some Depends”

A spokesperson for the AARP fell asleep in his oatmeal when asked for a comment on the new obsolete geezer trend in college coaching.

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