Messenger Puppet

ACID FLASHBACK THURSDAY - 1998 Hyundai Accent

Where I saw one:  most recently, in a nightmare down the street from Kistar  -the opposite direction from this nightmare

Nostalgia factor: 0/10 - eminently forgettable

Baseline: 5/10, because i owned one for almost two years.  +10 because it was red, the color of bloodlust.  -15, because “lust” has no correlation whatsoever with a Hyundai Accent. +1 because I traded it in and got what I owed out of the deal.  -20 because I totally got ripped off on the deal.  -400 because I traded it in on a minivan.  What did I do with my balls.  Anyone?  Bueller?  +400 because the automatic transmission was beginning to get tired of me beating on it all the time.  +10 for having an automatic, a “working” (see below) radio/tape deck, cloth seats and A/C, only one of which was on the ‘79 Futura I traded in on it. 

-10 because the radio was the biggest con job ever.  The bass and treble knobs did the same thing - turning up the treble turned down the bass; turning up the bass turned down the treble.  Likewise, the balance and fade did the same thing.  Left or front put everything on the front left speaker.  Right or back put everything- you guessed it, in the right rear speaker.

+5, because it was a serviceable commuter car.  -5 because after the thrill of not sitting on yellow vinyl seats with no AC wore off, it was kinda emasculating to be seen in. -1 because it reminds me of low spots professionally and maritally.  +10, because compared with later spots in both, it wasn’t the worst thing ever.  +10 for the Car and Driver magazine bullshit factor so as to create the result we want.