Dear crappy apartment complex:

It’s been three months. Can you PLEASE find some paint and get rid of this terse homage to delinquency? As a thanksgiving message, it was OK, but not nearly as edgy and suave as it was in the weeks leading to Halloween. By Xmas, it was just old and busted.

I know you love it, since I told you about it the first day I noticed it. You said, I’ll get to it next Tuesday. This has been one long ass week, or you need a new calendar.

Thanks for helping me to decide whether to renew.