Penn State: Why We Will Continue to Mostly Suck

Reason 1:  Fancy lawyers create meaningless agreement to lie to recruits

Penn State extends Paterno 3 years

STATE COLLEGE, Pa. (AP) — Penn State coach Joe Paterno has a new three-year contract extension to go along with his new hip. The Hall of Famer and [whiningest] coach in major college football history has agreed to deal that runs through the 2011 season. JoePa turns 82 on Dec. 21. A statement from the athletic department says Paterno and administrators also agreed they might reevaluate and alter the arrangement by shortening or extending the length of the contract as necessary.

AARP Joe (to recruit):  My contract lasts forever, son.

*checks note card*

We’re “Linebacker U”!!

Crafty PSU AD:  It only lasts the next 10 minutes old man, if you keep having those losing seasons.  Or if your offense reverts to shit after this fluke year.  Or if a new 10 year ownage by Michigan starts.

(We’re OK with 50 point beat downs by Southern Cal, though…)

Reason Two:  They reupped this guy?  Seriously?

I have monkey hands. So what?


My assistants told me about Depends, and now my life is cake!

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