Name that car

Not John Law
Pardon my invisibility

Ignore the bowtie.  Who is it?  Account for the bowtie.  Is it a Cavalier?  A Malibu?  An Impala?

What a completely generic, anonymous car. in less than 24 hours, at least three cars tried to hit me, as if they did not even see me.

I was barreling down Washington yesterday (at the speed limit, of course).  I am the only car on this stretch of road.  Some homeless methhead trainjumper decides that right in front of me, right now, in the middle of the block is the place and time for him to cross the street.  Not at the crosswalk 50 feet away.  Not in two seconds, after I have passed.  No, he has to do it now, so between honking and slamming on the brakes to avoid him, I only have time to choose one.  And, he never even looks, after that initial glance.  No fucking idea how close he came, because I wasn’t apparent to him.

What else sucks:

  • crappy plastics on the console, with gaping holes and obvious molding seams.  Crappy shiny plastic fake wood.
  • stupid chrome bezel around the shifter – blinding reflections.  Also quite tacky
  • GM ergonomics on the controls
  • shitty, cheap feeling, poorly executed shifter.  The lever and knob are right out of the Chrysler bargain basement parts bin.  There is no indication of gear on the shifter itself – you have to look under the speedo.
  • You would think this anonymity is great – just blend right in.  You won’t even register.  Unfortunately, EVERY cop I saw took notice.  They wanted to know who was in the car, what agency?  Is that someone i know in the business?  This is the exact opposite of a Q-ship  It begs for attention from cops, and begs for collisions from the blinded masses.
  • No XM, like the website promises.
  • Front wheel drive.  What a completely emasculating drive.  I could handle driving a sedan, if the sedan had any handling.
  • Big front overhang like my Stratus had.  Curbs and ramps are your mortal enemy – BEWARE!

What doesn’t suck:

  • Engine is more powerful (by a horse) than my mustang.
  • I am beginning to see advantages in big ass trunks besides cargo capacity.
  • While the design is GM corporate blecchiness and ennui, the assembly is first rate.  It feels solid.
  • Apart from the shiny plastics, the materials inside are class and price appropriate – it does not feel cheap.
  • The gaping maws in the console are perfect places to hide your stash.  They won’t fool a dog or an inventory or forensic search, but nothing will accidentally fall out at an inopportune time.
  • the info center tells you instant MPG with numbers, not dumb-ass graphs, like the Mustang.
  • The fact that it looks like plainclothes cop/malevolent unspecified federal agency does have its upside with the informed, intelligent drivers out there.  I did a right on red yesterday onto Mill.  The nearest guy on Mill in my direction had a Mustang convertible, and was driving at a “reasonable and prudent speed” for that car.  He saw me turn onto the same road, and suddenly decided that reasonable and prudent now meant “slower than that guy in the Impala, so he can’t see my plate or pull me over.”  He turned off at the earliest opportunity.  Gotcha!

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