Beer Reviews: Old English 800 high gravity

She's not real - it's the beer goggles, dumbass

She’s not real – it’s the beer goggles, dumbass

Quite simply the worst beer ever.  I am lucky to be able to type since I was stuck in bed all day yesterday. (Listening to crazy talk from the other room.) The last time I felt this bad, wormwood was involved.  This is what the morning after feels like:

molecular acid is preferable

It is like a six pack in a bottle.  Pounding it in 20 minutes after drinking an actual six pack? This shit is pure toxic death.  QED.

On the bright side, you can fuel your car with it, or clean blood off concrete.  The latter [Ed: your blood on the concrete.] is what the lawyers would call a “foreseeable consequence” of drinking this, so save a little – pour it on the ground when you’re done.  You’ll recognize it [Ed.:  the ground.] as the thing you’re holding down, lest it fly off into space.  (Thanks for saving the rest of us, btw.)

19 Comments

  • Incongruity October 9, 2009 at 12:55 pm

    […] or is it karma hitting us in the head with an OE bottle? What to choose, what to […]

    Reply
  • Karma: Would you like door number one or door number two? March 4, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    […] happening Scale:  Remember me? Perhaps you remember my friend? Beer:  And me? Hot wings: And us? Beer:  But mostly […]

    Reply
  • Anonymous September 19, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    damn girl u got big ass titties

    Reply
  • hot oe beer chick October 3, 2010 at 10:20 pm

    you are so hot oe beer girl i am whacking it to your pic fo sho

    Reply
  • sdf December 29, 2010 at 1:51 pm

    This stuff is awesome, don’t you realize that it’s meant to be drunk by people who aren’t total grannies?

    Reply
    • Profile photo of The Puppet
      The Puppet December 29, 2010 at 11:24 pm

      It’s for people with low expectations for tomorrow.

      Reply
  • Adam January 12, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    I drink this all the time and wake up at 6am and go to work. If you’re a little girl and can’t do the same I’m sorry. Pussies.

    Reply
    • Profile photo of The Puppet
      The Puppet January 13, 2011 at 10:23 am

      It’s shit and you know it. FourLoko is better.

      Reply
  • What a long, strange trip it’s been… February 22, 2011 at 7:00 pm

    […] I know is that the transition from my bed to a futon hurt a lot less than my head after OE. Tags: Domestic […]

    Reply
  • BANKHEAD April 8, 2011 at 9:17 am

    SHES FAKING IT

    Reply
    • Profile photo of The Puppet
      The Puppet April 8, 2011 at 10:33 am

      It’s not the first time somebody told me that

      Reply
  • Alex Trebek: 600 days May 18, 2011 at 10:09 am

    […] time it was OE 800 HG after Crazytown “refused” to break up with me when I broke up with her.  This time, it […]

    Reply
  • J. Edgar Hoover May 27, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    United States Flag Washington, District Of Columbia, United States Fbi Criminal Justice Information Systems (153.31.113.21) [Label IP Address] 0 returning visits

    (No referring link)
    May 27 05:58:34 AM
    Beer Reviews: Old English 800 high gravity | Messenger Puppet

    Reply
  • Anonymous November 14, 2012 at 7:50 am

    buy a box bitches.

    Reply
  • Chapter Advisor FAIL | Messenger Puppet February 11, 2013 at 10:45 am

    […]  A – we really had a Douglas C. Niedermayer.  B- let’s talk about your concerns over beers, the universal language of brotherhood and racing. 1976 Mercury Marquis: This is where I die, […]

    Reply
  • Flesh for Fantasy February 11, 2013 at 11:40 pm

    […] 8 barrel, Phid and Fort Adrian are learning to play weedhunter out in the boonies. Everybody has a 40 or something equivalent, the good times are rolling, and you don’t have to be to work at […]

    Reply
  • Jimmy Wang | Kiss My Asphalt March 8, 2014 at 10:36 am

    […]  Did you switch your morning 40 with extra strength OE? How long you been […]

    Reply
  • Beer Reviews: Death From ABoVe | Messenger Puppet™ April 16, 2014 at 8:48 am

    […] with the Southern Comfort and for the same reason.  This shit is unmanageable.  It is OE800.  Like that swill or SoCo, Miller Fortune actively punishes you for drinking anything else. […]

    Reply
  • The Day After | Messenger Puppet August 7, 2014 at 2:08 pm

    […] the pain of getting caught by the bouncer fucking a stripper.  Not the debilitating pain of “I thought a 40 of OE made sense after a 6 pack of Coors […]

    Reply

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