Sparkle Buggy Wash Classics, Take 2

1983 Oldsmobile 98 Regency

Go for Baroque

God, I loved these cars.  Everything that was so right, and so wrong about American cars and GM, all bottled up into one effete and ponderous whale for everyman.

  • The Seville (v. 1.0 and 3.0) “notchback” roofline
  • The half Cutlass Supreme/ half tailfin taillights
  • Bumpers that announce that your penis is made of steel.
  • The plump assed French hooker rear end of the car, from delicate wire wheel covers (sometimes actual wire wheels) and the real men wear fender skirts to the subtle wedginess.

Inside was velour or leather(like) loose pillow bench seating for 4 (the other 2 were not very welcome), AM/FM stereo with 4 speakers, power windows and locks, cruise control and a clock.  Woo, the lap of luxury.  Just don’t try to turn, or pass, or parallel park, but man, do you look like a yuppie and a pimp all at once.

Give me one in the dark blue over dark blue, please.


  • Mike Feeney March 2, 2011 at 4:30 am

    I always thought the Olds Ninety-Eight Regency was a very classy looking car…even today. I think it was the best looking car of the GM line for that year…or at least for the years that they ran that particular body style.

    • Profile photo of The Puppet
      The Puppet March 2, 2011 at 2:23 pm

      Oh they were great. And horrible at the same time. I liked the Olds better than the Electra, but I liked the less pretentious Bonneville better.

  • Oh, Thank Heaven March 2, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    […] February 1985, I said goodbye to the Sparkle Buggy Wash. Too much wet shoes and frostbite. Not enough tip money or tit shots. Plus, having my ass handed to […]


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