Pretend it’s 1984. The DOT has just legalized flush headlights(on the Lincoln Continental Mark VII). You cannot wait for it to trickle down to mere Jaguars, so you spend $3,000 getting European style converted headlights. Then you take your saucy little tart for a little freshening.

Where?

Not the car spa for a happy finish. No, you go to the insane-o-tron Sparkle Buggy Wash. WTF, dude? Is a $3.50 beating with brushes by high school dropouts (mostly) really worth it? I’m just askin’.