Left hand, meet right…
Me: Hi Wells Fargo. After 5 years as a customer, I would like one of your awesome credit cards, like you advertise and email me about.
Wells Fargo: Hi. Go fuck yourself.
Later:
Me: Hi Wells Fargo. After 5 years as a customer, I would like one of your awesome car loans, like you advertise and email me about.
Wells Fargo: Hi. Go fuck yourself.
Wachovia: We’ll be happy to finance you.
Wells Fargo: Wachovia looks tasty, let’s call mergers and acquisitions and buy that bitch and her portfolio of car loans. Yay!
*examines portfolio after assimilating Wachovia into the hive*
Wait, What?
Me: Go fuck yourself.
Later:
Me: Hi Wells Fargo. After 5 years as a customer, I won’t botrher asking for one of your awesome house loans.
Wells Fargo: Hi. Go fuck yourself, anyway.
NOVA: We’ll be happy to finance you.
Wells Fargo: Hmm. Nova sells lots of tasty loans, let’s buy those bitches. Yay!
*examines portfolio after assimilating Nova loans into the hibe*
Wait, What?
Me: Go fuck yourself.
Later:
Take Your First Step Towards Buying a Home | ||||||||||
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Begin the application process online. Start Now | ||||||||||
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Dear Asshole, | ||||||||||
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Go fuck yourself. Also, When you’re ready to make the big move, we can help you take the right steps. | ||||||||||
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Begin the application process online. | ||||||||||
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