Left hand, meet right…

Me: Hi Wells Fargo. After 5 years as a customer, I would like one of your awesome credit cards, like you advertise and email me about.
Wells Fargo:  Hi.  Go fuck yourself.

Later:

Me: Hi Wells Fargo. After 5 years as a customer, I would like one of your awesome car loans, like you advertise and email me about.
Wells Fargo:  Hi.  Go fuck yourself.
Wachovia:  We’ll be happy to finance you.
Wells Fargo:  Wachovia looks tasty, let’s call mergers and acquisitions and buy that bitch and her portfolio of car loans.  Yay!
*examines portfolio after assimilating Wachovia into the hive*
Wait, What?
Me:  Go fuck yourself.

Later:

Me: Hi Wells Fargo. After 5 years as a customer, I won’t botrher asking for one of your awesome house loans.
Wells Fargo:  Hi.  Go fuck yourself, anyway.
NOVA:  We’ll be happy to finance you.
Wells Fargo:  Hmm.  Nova sells lots of tasty loans, let’s buy those bitches.  Yay!
*examines portfolio after assimilating Nova loans into the hibe*
Wait, What?
Me:  Go fuck yourself.

Later:

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