Two fingers tequila is the worst shit ever. I know from experience. Why did I try it? The ads:
Two fingers is all it takes – TWSS
No, I did not understand the double entendre at the time.
Where did I see the ads? National Lampoon and Playboy. Yes. I read the ads in Playboy. And the articles. How else would I learn about:
- the proper way to pour a beer into a real glass
- Prison riots in New Mexico, especially the broom handle rape.
- declining sports fan etiquette
- $175 shoes (in 1980 dollars) and Aston Martins.
- football picks (hint: choose the opposite of what they say)
- and of course “anatomy.” Nothing prepares you for the reality of a cooter like an airbrushing that tells you nothing you want to know.
[...] Go to the brown ugly Center Plaza thing to acquire a copy of Playboy. FOR THE ARTICLES. If the clerk is looking at you, tell your friend *he’s looking at us.* That definitely will [...]
[...] And you paid attention watching Phid score pretty much at will since the 4th grade. Plus, you do read Playboy for the articles.* Occasionally. You are a fricking gigolo, dood. * – This means you can make merciless fun of [...]
[...] drive this bitch on a paper drive. FYI, you can’t drift these barges with 800 lbs. of old Playboys in the wayback, unless you have about 3x the engine [...]
[...] and decide that your maturity and alcohol tolerance exceed all known limits. Buy a fifth of Two Fingers tequila and swill way the hell too much of it during a frat party. Mix it with something to kill [...]