What Took You So Long?


Dear Jesus Freaks:

I stumbled upon this bit of “god wants girls to stay virgins until they are barefoot and pregnant in their arranged family courtship marriages” when i was looking for Ferraris and teacher porn.

In their “Statement of Faith” these folks insist that.

  • The Bible is the inspired, inerrant Word of God, and the final authority for our lives. It is literal, historical, and infallible.
  • God created the universe ex nihilo (out of nothing) by His spoken word in six literal days as the Bible states.


Believe whatever the fuck your cult demands, but riddle me this:  If God is so omnipotent, why did he need “six literal days”?  Why not a fortnight?  Why not the time it takes to whip out a petronas charm?  What is the magic in “six literal days” if all He has to do is say it and it’s real?

Nevermind that “literal days” did not exist until about “day” 4 according to this “literal, historical, and infallible” “final authority.”

Is God lazy?  A dawdler?  Figuratively making shit up as He goes along literally making it up?  By all means, please enlighten me. I thought i already had it figured out.

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