28 Years Later

Actually 32, but who’s counting?  Anyway, This is the Lincoln Continental Mark VI. I loved these cars when they came out.  Yes, they were stubby in all the bad ways, compared to the “long hood = long penis” message the Mark V sent.  One of the coolest features, according to the brochure, was the “auxiliary lamps.”  These were glorified fog lights embedded in the covers for the real headlights.

Lincoln Continental Mark VI
Gonna Light up the night?

Yes, that’s right:  hide the ugliness of headlights behind retractable covers, then embellish the covers with fake lights.

yo dawg

Henry Ford II, this was more genius than pretending that the Escort hatchbacks had 6-inch trunks.

However, they were too controversial.   Sansabelt and white-shoe  wearing Lincoln dealers wouldn’t stock Marks with the Black Swan look (the movie, not the foofy restaurant).

The disco refugees and repressed homosexuals style-setting, haute couture cognoscenti  of “southwestern lower Michigan”  could not process the crazy-eyed look.  Big Gay Al yes; Raisins waitress no.

1980 Lincoln Continental Mark VI
What “luxury” cliché is it missing? (Besides a spokesmodel and curb feelers)

This idea was so out there, not even the Black folks in town would drive these. (Not that anyone darker than a Lake Michigan summer tan would ever get talked to at a Kalamazoo car dealership unless they were the last and only customer. And maybe not even then.) I never thought they actually made it off the assembly line with these extra lights, until I saw one for sale on eBay Lincoln: Mark Series | eBay.  Can’t afford it; can’t look away.

Nicely done, Deuce. With this crowning touch of design lunacy, there is no fucking way anyone will ever know that underneath, this is just a tarted up a Marquis with the full french hooker treatment.

2 thoughts on “28 Years Later

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