How Sausage Is Made

1982 Lincoln Continental Mark VI Bill Blass

It’s no 1979 model, but i still want to have its babies

This, after 30 years of basting, is one of my favorite cars of the 1980s. One of the lamest then/coolest  now features is the “carriage roof,” the fake convertible top first introduced on the 1979 Mark V. It worked on those because they were styled as 2 door hardtops.

Naturally, if people were dumb enough to spend 3 grand on a fake convertible roof on a Mark, then why not on a 4 door or  car with limo doors (Cougar, anyone?).

Lincoln Mark VII

Why? Oh Why?

In shopping for a vintage ride for Lurlene, I came across an Emilio Pucci Mark.  Done right, it looks like this:  

However, this is the era of sunbleaching and meth, so of course, the dumbass kids got ahold of grandpa’s car and beat the living shit out of it.  That is when you learn what goes on behind the curtain:

1.  It’s not as simple as gluing the fake roof to the real one.

Lincoln Mark VII

Superglue and canvas for the win.

2.  They all came  with opera windows.  Evidently a piece of tape was the solution to that little problem

NOT done right. There were no bugs under there, you meth-heads!

3.  Evidently, the funky roofline was the result of fiberglass boob implants

You’re going to need a new Wonder Bra, miss lady

 

 

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Gonzo di Dottore

Gonzo di Dottore [Ed.: He's not a real doctor. Or Italian.] is a noted author, poet, photographer and bon vivant. Or was that savant? It's hard to tell sometimes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high-powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die 

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