Eat the Rich

I need a new business plan. Writing off my data plan and hosting costs is nice and all (#notactualtaxadvice), but fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck, it’s nice (one supposes) to have a net income.  It evidently leads to perks.  To wit:

Craig Jackson is the big cheese* at Barrett Jackson.  BARRETT-JACKSON AUCTION COMPANY, LLC is a licensed (public consignment) auto dealer.  What does that mean?

1.  Dealer plates.  Drive the best dealer demo ever for a couple of years, and the company gets a fat write off (#notactualtaxadvice) of the depreciation on a $2 million (+/-) car that’s been whored around town.

Bugatti Veyron Cop
I can make you a deal on this, but you can’t pay in donuts

2.  Speaking of whoring…Look at the door.  Look closely at the top of the windshield here.  The aesthetic purist in me says, “Jesus Fuck, Craig Jackson!  You let your beautiful Godzilla-eating monstrobot car get viciously stickerfied by JC Whitney/pussified by Justin Bieber.  You’re as bad as Paris Hilton.”  Then it hit me: ADVERTISING EXPENSE. Two million dollars and 35 cents (for the cheesy stickers) of acquisition cost?  Advertising expense.  8 mpg? Advertising expense.  Routine maintenance costs that equal the GNP of Kerplekistan? Advertising expense.  Photo radar tickets? Probably irrelevant, because the registered owner is not a person. Otherwise? Advertising expense. (#notactualtaxadvice)

It all makes sense.  I can see it now:

  1. Internet bullshit you’re reading now
  2. ? ? ?
  3. Profit!!!
  4. This:
Cadillac Spokes car
“Do you see who THAT is?” “Yeah, let’s go kick his ass!”


*trustee of the trust that manages the BJ holding LLC that manages the BJ auction company LLC.

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