Fuck you, Jiffy Lube

2008 Scion xB

Me:  Hi, I would like an oil change

Jiffy Lube:  OK, regular (39), semi synthetic (59) or full synthetic (89)

Me:  I have a love hate relationship with this toaster, so let’s go with affordable.

Jiffy Lube:  Uh oh, the manufacturer demands 0W-20  full synthetic. (Ed.: Changed viscosity to appease Ron below)

Scion:  Oh hell no i don’t.

Me:  Pass

Jiffy Lube:  OK, all we have is 5w30.

Me:  (so this was more about what was in stock than what I needed)

Jiffy Lube:  You need an air filter

Me:  I can do this myself

Jiffy Lube:  You need a cabin air filter

Me:  Why were you digging in my dashboard?

Me:  No.  Could you at least shake it out before replacing it?

Jiffy Lube:  No

Jiffy Lube:  We checked your battery – it only has 300+ CCA when it should have 500

Me: This is Arizona.  We don’t have cold.

Jiffy Lube:  We checked your cooling system.  It’s low.  For $5 we’ll add coolant.

Me:  WTF?  I thought it was a closed system

Jiffy Lube:  It is.

Me:  Pass.

Jiffy Lube:  You have an oil leak.

Me:  WTF?!  Where?

Jiffy Lube:  (to trench guy) Where?

Jiffy Lube Trench Guy:  On the engine. (actual tech response)

Jiffy Lube:  Around the oil pan.

Driveway:  I find no evidence to support this claim.

Jiffy Lube:  P.S., instead of Windex, we used semen for your windshield washer fluid.  Tomato:tomahto, right?

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