Fuck you, Jiffy Lube
Me: Hi, I would like an oil change
Jiffy Lube: OK, regular (39), semi synthetic (59) or full synthetic (89)
Me: I have a love hate relationship with this toaster, so let’s go with affordable.
Jiffy Lube: Uh oh, the manufacturer demands 0W-20 full synthetic. (Ed.: Changed viscosity to appease Ron below)
Scion: Oh hell no i don’t.
Jiffy Lube: OK, all we have is 5w30.
Me: (so this was more about what was in stock than what I needed)
Jiffy Lube: You need an air filter
Me: I can do this myself
Jiffy Lube: You need a cabin air filter
Me: Why were you digging in my dashboard?
Me: No. Could you at least shake it out before replacing it?
Jiffy Lube: No
Jiffy Lube: We checked your battery – it only has 300+ CCA when it should have 500
Me: This is Arizona. We don’t have cold.
Jiffy Lube: We checked your cooling system. It’s low. For $5 we’ll add coolant.
Me: WTF? I thought it was a closed system
Jiffy Lube: It is.
Jiffy Lube: You have an oil leak.
Me: WTF?! Where?
Jiffy Lube: (to trench guy) Where?
Jiffy Lube Trench Guy: On the engine. (actual tech response)
Jiffy Lube: Around the oil pan.
Driveway: I find no evidence to support this claim.
Jiffy Lube: P.S., instead of Windex, we used semen for your windshield washer fluid. Tomato:tomahto, right?