In today’s email:

From: Former Client [mailto:Former Client@yahoo.gmail]
Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2012 8:11 AM
To: Former Client@yahoo.gmail
Subject: Greetings From Spain!!!

How are you? I hope this email reaches you well. I’m so sorry for this emergency and urgency. I’m presently in Spain for a Project but I want you to be aware of my present predicament here because I have thought it expedient for me to confide this in you and I will be glad to have it confidential between us.. Everything was fine from the day I got here until I was attacked on my way back to my hotel last night. Though I wasn’t hurt, I’m physiaclly ok and fine but I lost my money, bank cards, mobile phone and my bag in the course of this attack. I have immediately contacted my bank in other to block my cards and also made a report at the nearest police station.

But I’m urgently in need of money to complete my major aim of being here and to balance my bills till my departure next weekend. Can you please lend me a sum of 2950euros [approximately $4,100 us dollars] or any amount you can afford to lend out?  I will refund you even with interest upon my arrival next weekend.

Kindly let me know if you would be able to help me out with the money or any amount you can afford, I can then forward you the details require for a wire transfer via the western union money transfer service. I don’t yet have a local phone (still gathering my bearings and such), kindly contact me back via my email. I will expect your response shortly.

Thanks & Best Regards,

Former Client

Oh really.  I assume this is spam.  If not:

Dear current Spaniard

It’s been a short four years.  At the time, you asked me to help you track down some grifters who ripped you off.  I said I needed a written agreement.  You asked where it was.  I provided it.  Then you bitched because I did that before doing the work for which you had not yet agreed to pay.  “Go fuck yourself” is what you said, I believe.  I might be paraphrasing.

In  that four years, we wrote off your bill for the work I did do.  We never heard from you , except for your bitching while the balance was still on the books.  (P.S. you’re welcome for the write off.)  Oh, wait.  How could I forget all the gay porn spam that came to me, reportedly from you.  That was fun.

FWIW, If I were to choose, I am taking “top.”  Also, twinkies are not a part of my diet in any literal or metaphoric sense, but thanks for asking.

So yeah – no.  I find myself unwilling to believe this request or to respond with actual money. Good luck with your current predicament, Don Julio.

Me