You’re off to a good start:
- Cell phone glued to ear? Check. This is a prerequisite, with no exceptions.
- Oblivious to everything outside of personal space? Check. This is a prerequisite, with no exceptions.
- Foofy purse dog? Check, but that is supposed to go with your plastic enhanced trophy girlfriend.
- Used Bentley, so you look like established money? Check. We would have accepted a generic overpriced SUV if you had kids.
- Safe colors? Check. Don’t be controversial.
- Safe colors? Check. Your outfit and dog match the car, in a Garanimals kind of way.
- McMansion? I’m guessing so.
The trash bags though? Carrying your own? What the fuck, dude? “That’s what Scottsdale has Mexicans for.” – Joe Arpaio
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