You’re off to a good start:

• Cell phone glued to ear?  Check.   This is a prerequisite, with no exceptions.
• Oblivious to everything outside of personal space?  Check.  This is a prerequisite, with no exceptions.
• Foofy purse dog? Check, but that is supposed to go with your plastic enhanced trophy girlfriend.
• Used Bentley, so you look like established money?  Check.  We would have accepted a generic overpriced SUV if you had kids.
• Safe colors? Check.  Don’t be controversial.
• Safe colors?  Check. Your outfit and dog match the car, in a Garanimals kind of way.
• McMansion?  I’m guessing so.

The trash bags though? Carrying your own?  What the fuck, dude?  “That’s what Scottsdale has Mexicans for.” – Joe Arpaio